Escapades/Escalades

....... So been wanting to blog but not knowing what to write about..... every thing that springs to mind is very J Blige, and am not trying to do drama!! So I wonder and wonder, and then it comes, like a bolt of lightning out of the clear blue skies!!(ok slight exaggeration but u get the drift no?)

My Escapades, I was chatting to about some o my hair extensions, I love crazy colours you see....anyway convo leads to tales of a young wild bushgirl, I thought I'd share one of my faves!!

We had these family friends....whom at one point we had to go live with,I won't get into why that is, otherwise this would become an emotional blog and I AM NOT GETTING EMOTIONAL!!

Ok my good friend amongs the family was Sarah, she was a think outside the box kinda girl, who has unfortunately passed away...."May the Good Lord rest her beautiful soul in Peace"

We were living in Abeokuta and aged around 14/15, she was a sickler, she always had crazy ideas lived for the moment and couldn't care less what anyone had to say about her.

Anyway, she andI were at the same school and like I said we were staying with them for a while, coming up to christmas time. She got it into her head that we should throw a christmas party for all the yuppies at our school and surrounding schools, thereby earning a rite of passage into yuppies club.

Yours truly is quite easily corrupted, and I thought if you can't beat them.....join them, and truth be told me sef Ilove afeferity like that!

The thing was, we had no money to sponse party!

There was a photographer who did the rounds of schools taking pics........these were the days befor digital cameras and camera phones etc These were the days you took clothes went studio, posed like ur lifedepended on it, and handed out pictures to ur friends, like some mini celebrity, I used to love motion pics....... I digress

Anyway said photographer claimed to be in love with me! and who can blame him the poor sod. Sarah, being one not to look agift horse in the face, very quickly realised that his love meant good things for both of us, she was his agent and shamelessly pushed me to him, telling him how much I liked him.LIE!!

We saw him in school, Sarah told him about our dimela* of hosting party without funds,smiled at him oh so prettily telling him we'll come round to his later for a generous donation towards party funds..... The guy was well excited at the thought of us coming to his house and was more than happy to fund our party.

Ok this was like 95/96, Operation Clean the Streets or whatever was in full swing, you are not to be caught loose balling outside your fathers house after 11pm or something like that-cosequences will be dire! Sara, didn't even register that never mind worry about it. Knowing that her Mum was travelling that night, we waited, soon as we waved the woman off, we were on road entering cab to photographer's place. Like a true pimp, once we got there my friend of a sudden became fascinated with pics on the wall, magazines lying around any thing that would keep her gaze off photo man and his wandering hands and the sweet nothings he was whispering in my ears, sha we extricated the money from the man, without too much of dodgy dealing, and my innocence intact(just about)

We get to main road, no cabs around , panic sets in, how are we going to get home, there's no question of us spending the night. My Dad would KILL me if he found out!!

Thats when we spot okada, we rush the guy and beg him to take us to our address , guy agreed for some exorbitant fee, on we jump ....clinging to the okada man for dear life, praying we get home safe and sound.

Coming up to junction we see a some kinda check point ahead! My mouth goes dry and heart starts pumping faster , OMG they are going to arrest us!! I can't call my Dad, My moms in England, who is going to save us, I was crapping myself, am a good girl from a good family, grown men were sitting in their house not daring to go out and here I am on road, about to be brutalized by some hungry Nigerian soldiers!

Of Course they stopped us! There was about 4 of them, all armed and mean looking, and they already had a victim sitting on the floor wailing his misfortune. We clambered off the bike, me am not gonna front, I was shaking and stirred. Okada man was already going on his knees begging the "ogas" to tender their justice with mercy.

Conversation as follows

Them:(shouting) where are you coming from at this time of nite?

Me :I didnt say a word...too busy whimpering

OkadaMan:Oga Abeg Sah, nah house I dey go

Sarah: Please Sir we're so sorry, our brothers and sisters have been at home hungry all day, our eldest brother just came from Lagos so we had to go and collect money for food from him! Please sir its not our fault we were getting desperate!

This plea was delivered with a most mournful voice and a very pitiful face......I almost belived the lies myself! I was beyond flabbergasted, like where did that come from?!

The soldiers looked a bit doubtful, Sarah had given them food for thought......the story was kinda believable but then we were decked up in jeans and chequered shirts(not everybody had jeans in those days) lol, especially if you're so poverty ridden to be looking for food money all over town....

Any way they seeked confirmation, Where's the money you went for ?

Shit am thinking , after all this palaver, we wont even be able to throw the party, I was mighty pissed! Sarah reached into her pockets for the money....like a true pimp, SHE had collected party money from our victim

Miraculously, the soldiers merely looked at the the money and told us we can go warning us not to be out after curfew again, Oh the sweet relief!! I jumped on that bike with immediate alacrity,

The victim we had found there, at this point raised his voice: Ehn Oga wat about me? He felt the butt of someone's gun on his head in response, needless to say he very quickly shut his mouth.

We got home safe, we hosted the party, and that one is another story!

The Joys of youth ehn!

*dimela-alternative of dilemma coined by Jade Goody's Mom

Sarah -I love you RIP baby

You Punched Me

This is an exorcism of an experience that changed my life!!

The first time it happened I was 6 months pregnant, there was pressure all around, eviction notices on the door-mat on the regular....men dressed as security guard came along and towed the car away, scraping along hand to mouth. Stressed to death wondering what's gonna happen when the eectricty clonks out!

It was a hellish existence, so it wasn't shocking that we were constantly arguing.....but it came to a boiling point ....a moment of no return, or so one would think!

We were toe toe to toe screeeeeeeeeaming at each other, I got MAD! Got angry screamed and got closer , so close I bit his lips, and that's when it happened that's when he slammed my head into the wall!! I was hysterical blah blah blah called my family who immediately executed a rescue and remove operation.....but I couldn't stop thinking about him, remembering his wails of anguish after the deed was done. I got the fone calls, the stern lecture from my mother my sister my brother: Don't you dare go back to him! He WILL do it again.......No !!! I'm thinking, you don't understand, he didn't WANT to do it, we were under incredible amounts of stress, I provoked him, I MADE him do it

So we got back together, mostly by my doing...I can't bring this child into the world without his Dad holding my hand ....its not fair on me its not fair on the child or me.... so I worked my womanly magic and there we were coasting along nicely, trying to make the best of a bad situation.

Fast forward to 9 month old baby, Mommy and Daddy still not living together but Daddy's almost always around, Mommy trying to talk him into moving in and pooling financial resources to facilitate saving. Mommy meets man on street who gives her business card claiming to be accredited builder who will hook up the was machine machine and gas cooker with one hand tied behind his back and both eyes shut. So Mommy invites him to the house to do an assessment and give a quote, after having made it clear to said person that she is one half of a solid couple.

While man is there she tries to wake Daddy up to come and meet the guy, so he (the guy) knows that Daddy exists and is not a figment of her imagination....Daddy groans rolls over, he can't be bothered to get outta bed, Mommy gives up goes back and arranges a date next week for builder dude to come and do the jobs.

Saturday night chilling in the crib, relations aren't at their best but am trying to bone, door bell goes at 11 pm .....? Who the hell could that be I know no one in this area, I just moved here for crying out loud! He answers the door and its builder guy, obviously believing that the partner I told him about WAS a figment of my imangination. Soon as he sees a living breathing might I add big confirmation of the truth, he starts to shake a bit, erm erm can I see you in the kitchen he stammers eventually, thinking he's gonna show me something wrong with my equipment and still bewildered I follow to kitchen where he spins some shit about not being able to do the agreed job but booking it with a shop up the road at 4 times the cost I mean WTF, I shoo him away, ready to go in the front room and bitch with the hubby about what and ass builder guys is , only to be confronted with very hostile attitude, Have you seen the time he keeps repeating almost as I invited this guy to my yard at these hours. What do I do? What I always did when he starts pissing me off, BONE!!

Long story short, following day time for him to go to work, Bobo will not go asking dumbass questions, ehn am waiting for him to go so builder guy can come and other manner of mouthly diarrhea(is that how it's spelt?can neva remember)

GO! I shout turning back on the blowdryer, shouldn't you be at work? Yea he's coming so make space for him.....just leave me alone! You're a whore! he spat out who was that ? Hairdryers still blowing, I'm singing dennis the mennace theme song"nah nah nah nah I cant hear you" not very mature but I was hoping he'd get so pissed off he'd leave, didn't work! So I grabbed my keys stepped outside and just as I thought, he followed, still showering me with obscenities. Mmmn I nod in mock agreement, just go!

In all the commotion, our son woke up came crawling to the door, I step back in trying to shut this maniac outside but he blocks the door with, "let me say goodbye to my son" he growls...no!just go! and I try to push him off balance so I can shut my door....he got MADDDDD!!

He rained punches on my head, I literally passed for about 5 seconds collapsed in a heap next to my baby. He puched me.....and soon we'll be in court to decide his guilt or lack of....we'll see

Newbie

Is this my first ever Blog????
Why is it so nerve wracking? Is it cuz I've read so many fantastic posts and am scared I won't measure up?

Or is it because I get to be completely honest air my stanky ass laundry which people may/may not read and may/may not haveopinions about?

All of the above, I suppose, I have a LOT of dirty laundry dying to be aired!!!!